Lectionary Meditatation: Deeper Meaning

I am reading The Mystical Sense of the Gospels and working my way through it ever so slowly. It is a gentle teacher, prodding here, enlightening there, speaking to the deep quiet well within me that recognizes and longs for the indwelling of God; and always encouraging a deeper reading of scripture. Perhaps because of that mystical beginning the daily office readings for yesterday struck a deep resounding cord. The Psalm began like gentle balm (118) with the mantra like repetition of the words "God's mercy endures forever." And then the gospel story (Mark 6:30-46) opened up like a blooming lotus, the fragrance of a new and deeper meaning washing over me.

30 The apostles gathered around Jesus and reported to him all they had done and taught. 31 Then, because so many people were coming and going that they did not even have a chance to eat, he said to them, "Come with me by yourselves to a quiet place and get some rest."

32 So they went away by themselves in a boat to a solitary place. 33 But many who saw them leaving recognized them and ran on foot from all the towns and got there ahead of them. 34 When Jesus landed and saw a large crowd, he had compassion on them, because they were like sheep without a shepherd. So he began teaching them many things.

35 By this time it was late in the day, so his disciples came to him. "This is a remote place," they said, "and it's already very late. 36 Send the people away so they can go to the surrounding countryside and villages and buy themselves something to eat."

37 But he answered, "You give them something to eat."
They said to him, "That would take eight months of a man's wages! Are we to go and spend that much on bread and give it to them to eat?"

38 "How many loaves do you have?" he asked. "Go and see."
When they found out, they said, "Five\u2014and two fish."

39 Then Jesus directed them to have all the people sit down in groups on the green grass. 40 So they sat down in groups of hundreds and fifties. 41 Taking the five loaves and the two fish and looking up to heaven, he gave thanks and broke the loaves. Then he gave them to his disciples to set before the people. He also divided the two fish among them all. 42 They all ate and were satisfied, 43and the disciples picked up twelve basketfuls of broken pieces of bread and fish. 44 The number of the men who had eaten was five thousand.

45 Immediately Jesus made his disciples get into the boat and go on ahead of him to Bethsaida, while he dismissed the crowd. 46After leaving them, he went up on a mountainside to pray. - Mark 6:30-46

It is a familiar story is it not? And yet the daily reading frames it in such a way that I saw it entirely anew last night. It is a story, a parable, about many things but one of them is this: Jesus has commissioned his disciples and preachers and healers. They have been sent out to do the work of the church, to declare the Good News and bring comfort and healing to those in need. Now they have returned and Jesus immediately recognizes that the work they have done is draining work. As full as they are of joy at their success, as excited as they might be, and as much need as there still is in the world he gives them permission, no he requires them, to take time apart to rest.

And as so often happens to those who serve, the rest is interrupted. The good intentions are lost, there is yet more need, it will in fact never end. And yet these preachers, teachers, and healers are dry. The need is more than they can fill. They have but a little to give (those few loaves of bread and fish) and the needs of the people who have come are indeed vast. They despair. They likely feel tired, worn out, and utterly inadequate. But God takes their offering as meager as it is and makes it enough, more than enough. And then Christ sends them away to find rest (ensuring their rest by staying to dismiss the crowd himself). And if the message needs to be hammered home any harder, he sets off as an example to us all to renew himself in prayer.

The story had never opened to me in quite the way it did last night. It was a story I had dissected and researched and written about more than once. But last night the gospel turned and became a personal thing, a meaning hidden deep within that rose up and enveloped me when I needed it. It is a comforting reminder of our humanity, our need for quiet rest, and our inability to do it all alone. I sat in the flickering light and offered up my friends, my family, my whole heart to God in prayer because often that is all we can do. When we have exhausted all the actions, when our planning has failed, or when we are simply tired or overwhelmed by need there is only prayer.

The Gospel reminds me of my CAP SAR training where we learned we could not help others if we were not ourselves rested and healthy. The lesson here is the same, though it is prayer that refreshes us. We need more than sleep, food, and physical rest. We need emotional and spiritual space as well. To expect more of ourselves, or those who serve us than Christ is of course foolish. I hope that lent will be for those who labor a time apart for prayer, rest, and renewal.